Mind the Gap
Episode 3 of Kadence Bio’s Sexual Wellness Mini Series: Beyond the Bedroom
This month at Kadence Bio, we’ve been reading Mind the Gap, a book by clinical psychologist and psychosexologist Dr. Karen Gurney. She takes a deep dive into the disconnect between what society tells us about sex and what science actually reveals. Dr. Gurney challenges widely accepted myths, highlighting that much of what we believe is not only outdated but actively harmful to how we experience sex and relationships. One of the book’s key messages is that low spontaneous desire does not mean an unsatisfying sex life, and that our expectations of what’s "normal" are shaped more by culture than by biology. As a company dedicated to addressing sexual wellness, let’s explore some key themes from Mind the Gap that resonated with us.
Despite the progress in sex education and open dialogue, cultural taboos still shape our understanding of sex. Many restrictive ideas were inherited from British colonial influences, which introduced conservative sexual values that linked sex to morality and religion. This legacy is still evident today in the way sex is often framed as something private, shameful, or solely for reproductive purposes, rather than a natural and essential part of human wellbeing. These ideas don’t just affect individual experiences; they impact healthcare, research, and policy, often leading to a lack of scientific focus on issues like sexual dysfunction, pleasure, and sexuality. For instance, Kadence Bio’s trial for a first FDA-approved premature ejaculation treatment is one of only 20 active sexual dysfunction studies currently listed on clinicaltrials.gov.
As Mind the Gap highlights, our discomfort in talking about sex means that misinformation thrives. In a world where sex remains taboo, media representations take on outsized importance in shaping what we perceive as normal. If sex isn’t openly discussed in homes, schools, and medical settings, then movies, TV, and pornography often fill the gap, creating unrealistic expectations and reinforcing harmful stereotypes. The media often portrays sex as spontaneous, effortless, and always satisfying. When real-life experiences don’t align with these depictions, people may feel disappointed or even believe something is wrong with them, rather than recognizing that sex is inherently complex and rarely follows a perfect script. Additionally, sexual dysfunction is frequently framed as a taboo or a shameful deal-breaker - something we explored in last month's episode on Sex and the City’s portrayal of premature ejaculation. Other media depictions include The Wolf of Wall Street, where the fact that Jordan lasts just 11 seconds with Naomi is treated as a punchline, and American Pie, where Jim prematurely ejaculates twice, ‘blowing his chances’ with Nadia and earning the label of a ‘loser.’ When media representations of sex oscillate between steamy perfection and dysfunctional humiliation, they create the illusion that struggling with imperfect sex is rare.
Sexual dissatisfaction is far more common than many realise, yet the lack of open discussion around it makes individuals feel isolated in their struggles. The National Survey of Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyle (NATSAL) 3 study, one of the most comprehensive surveys on sexual behavior in the UK, found that nearly half of people reported dissatisfaction with their sex lives - whether due to lack of interest, lack of enjoyment, or difficulty with orgasm. Yet, because open discussions about sex remain rare, many people assume they are alone in their struggles. The orgasm gap - the difference in how often men and women reach orgasm during partnered sex - depicts this dissatisfaction. Research shows that 95% of men orgasm during heterosexual encounters, compared to just 65% of women. That number drops to 18% for women in casual sex. Achieving climax is influenced by a variety of physical and psychological factors, and a key element across genders is the ability to be mentally present and attuned to one’s body and partner during intimacy. For couples affected by premature ejaculation, persistent anxiety for the man and frustration for the partner—stemming from the anticipation of an unsatisfying outcome—can create a mental and emotional barrier that disrupts the conditions necessary for orgasm. As a result, many individuals and couples facing premature ejaculation may begin to avoid sexual intimacy altogether, further diminishing their ability to experience and enjoy climax.
Scientific research underscores how important sex is to overall well-being. Studies show that couples who have fulfilling sex lives report higher relationship satisfaction, better moods, and even greater relationship stability. When sex is unfulfilling or problematic, it can lead to decreased intimacy, lower relationship quality, and even thoughts of infidelity. Additionally, the frequency of sex can play a role in family planning, as it naturally influences fertility. With growing awareness around reproductive health, addressing sexual wellbeing is not just about intimacy but can also be an important factor for couples considering their future family goals.
How can we begin to address this? The answer lies in communication and attempting to address physical or psychological barriers that might be contributing to the problem. Studies show that people who talk about sex with their partners enjoy more fulfilling sex lives, yet many still struggle to do so. This is why books like Mind the Gap are so important—they give us the tools to challenge harmful norms and build a healthier, more informed narrative around sex. Meanwhile, companies like ours, Kadence Bio, are working to resolve contributing factors through innovative and effective treatments (we are developing the first FDA-approved treatment for premature ejaculation). Next month, we will spotlight other initiatives, be it TV, tech companies or educational websites, which are also working hard to encourage conversations and education around sex and pleasure.
